Waking up as usual to the sound of birds chirping outside the window, I wondered why I was still waking up with a heavy heart. I suddenly realised that over the sound of birds, the sound that i could hear was that of the young man who was whispering Jai Shri Ram, Jai Hanuman while getting beaten. I had consciously stopped watching the news on TV a while before the recent elections, and only followed a few people who I considered still sane on Twitter to keep abreast of the latest events everywhere.
I feel I should also apologise. Who should I apologise to? And what all should I apologise for? Apologising on behalf of Hindus would automatically mean that I agree that there is something I have in common with these - do I still call them humans?; that I grew up believing and loving the same gods that they supposedly are devoted to. These people who supposedly are devotees of Ram and Hanuman are not my people. I cannot choose which religion I am born into, but this Hinduism that they follow is not mine. I do not want to have anything in common with them. The next time they chant Jai Shri Ram, are they not going to see Tabrez in front of them?
The news of Tabrez had come in bits and pieces throughout the day and horrified me. The TV was switched on yesterday in another part of the house, and just for a few seconds, the sound of Tabrez pleading reached my ears before I could hear the TV going off, but this was enough! 7 hours! Someone could be tied up and beaten for that long by human beings? Could they not hear him plead! My younger son is the same age as Tabrez - he is just setting out into life as an adult. I cannot help but think of what kind of a world we have brought him into, what kind of world have we created.
Last week, a letter was circulated by eminent Muslims in Bengal expressing horror at atrocities committed by one who supposedly was born into their religion. A group of friends discussed why these people had to feel responsible for criminal acts by someone they didn't even know, just because they shared a religion. Today, I can understand what they felt when they wrote their letter to the Chief Minister.
I feel I should also apologise. Who should I apologise to? And what all should I apologise for? Apologising on behalf of Hindus would automatically mean that I agree that there is something I have in common with these - do I still call them humans?; that I grew up believing and loving the same gods that they supposedly are devoted to. These people who supposedly are devotees of Ram and Hanuman are not my people. I cannot choose which religion I am born into, but this Hinduism that they follow is not mine. I do not want to have anything in common with them. The next time they chant Jai Shri Ram, are they not going to see Tabrez in front of them?
For many years, I have grappled with doubts about the existence of one, many or million gods. Now I can honestly accept that I have no doubts any more.
