From the time we were kids, we were quite used to people dropping in to our place in the evenings for a chat, and always, a cup of tea or coffee. One of our most regular visitors in Delhi, just after we moved in, was a gentleman named Gopal. He was in his early 30s and worked in a tea company as a clerk. Gopal Mama, as we called him, lived as a paying guest in the flat opposite ours. He was quite lonely, and we were very used to see him sitting and chatting with my parents in the evening, before going off to the restaurant close by for his dinner.
One summer, my maternal grandmother, Ammamma, was visiting us, and joined these chats happily. She liked Gopal Mama very much, as he was polite and kind, and had no ‘bad’ habits like drinking or smoking. He probably was reminded of his mother when chatting with my Ammamma, and they had a lot to say to each other. At some point during her trip, she decided that he should be married as he was lonely, his health was getting ruined due to eating unhealthy food in a ‘hotel’ and there was no one to attend to him when he fell ill. All good reasons to find a life partner in those days, I guess.
When Ammamma had a huge family to look after, a few years ago, a lady in her neighbourhood would come over to help her in the kitchen. This lady had 2 daughters, and they had often come along with their mother when they were young. They were not well-off, and hopefully received some income from cooking in two or three houses. The elder daughter was now married, but my grandmother knew that the younger one was ‘eligible’ and ready for marriage. A letter was sent off to the mother, informing her about this very suitable boy, and asking whether Ammamma should talk to his family. Presumably the response came very soon, and this resulted in Gopal Mama’s mother arriving to stay with her son for a week.
Within the same week, the mother and daughter arrived at our house after a 3 day journey from near Madurai. The same evening, Akka (as we addressed the daughter), was dressed up in a pretty sari. My mother made pakodas and halwa, and Gopal Mama came with his mother to officially see the girl. I don’t know whether they liked each other but
they must have approved of each other after that one meeting. The marriage was finalised. Mama’s only misgiving was that his salary was not enough to support a wife, and he had hoped for a wife who would also add to the family income.
My mother spoke to our houseowner who lived in the ground floor. They were originally from Rajasthan and ran a leather shoes business out of a tiny office a few streets away – would they not need an office assistant who could read and write English. A meeting was arranged, salary details were discussed and suddenly Akka had a job. And this, when she did not know a word of Hindi, which was the basic language for communication in the office!
Her mother went back to make some essential purchases and inform other relatives back home, while Akka stayed back with us and started working in the office. The next issue that came up was a place to stay for the couple once they were married. My mother again spoke to the houseowner – while we lived on the first floor, there was a room with a kitchen attached to the terrace above us. Would it not be good to rent it out to the young couple at a nominal rent? Obviously, this was also very acceptable.
Within a few weeks, Akka had a job, a future husband and a house to move into. The simple wedding was conducted while my grandmother was still with us, and the couple moved in. The couple presumably grew to like each other and prosper in life. Over the years, we moved houses, and so did they, but they stayed in touch. We heard about the birth of their daughters. They visited my parents to seek their blessings on finishing 25 years of marriage and I can imagine how proud my parents felt at having been instrumental in bringing this couple together and arranging for their future too.
Just the fact that both families were good and were from similar backgrounds of limited means is all that my grandmother knew before taking matters into her own hands and giving them the necessary introduction. How much simpler it was then. Watching the Indian Matchmakers serial, the completely bratty youngsters and the very silly mothers (especially one really idiotic one) reminded me of this marriage that happened so smoothly. It was enough to have some obedient people and some very well-meaning adults who did not shy off from intervening when they felt it was required .
I am as amazed at the mother and daughter who happily boarded a train, just on my grandmother’s advice, as at Gopal Mama who was also willing to completely trust her.
