today a very good friend died. she was in terrible pain towards the end, and i know she's better off gone but she's left a big hole in my heart. never knew a hole could hurt so much too... i did manage to spend some time with her. even though one never discussed such things, i think she knew exactly how i felt about her, and how much she meant to me.
how does one go about deleting her name from my mobile phone, from my contacts details in all my address books? she was the first one i would think of when i got some typical 'womanly' or kooky forwards; could almost hear her laugh while reading it. did she know how much she meant to me? how precious she was to me? i think she did. maybe i'll feel better knowing that she did. go in peace, sita. know you were loved; you'll be missed, but you'll always be there in that special place in my heart. now when i pray to the powers that be, i'll pray not for you, but to you.
I dont know what to say - the loss must be difficult. It is always there at the back of everything you do. Sometimes in the middle of a party when there is mirth all around it creepson you and hits you - whamm! You are outwardly poised but inside of you there is a pit. It starts londg before the person dies, it starts when you know the end is imminent. It is for all of us yet birth is a celebration. Somehow that the death is no longer a possibility that happens but will for certain is shattering. I have a friend who is 'terminal' and when I call her I tell her to stop me if I am offending her or talkng nonsense - I do not know what to say. But why should you delete her number or name as an active act. Let it stay there and one day when the wound is less raw your subconcious will speak to your finger and delete it like an act of ablution. So let it be Just because she is not in this physical world she does not cease to exist.
ReplyDelete