It’s only a stone – why am I so attached to it?
Think of all the people who would have slaved in the mines
to unearth this – or the first person who saw it for what it was but had to
give it up to the owner of the mines – how tough would it have been to give it
away!
Should I be getting so attached to material things that I
can actually lose sleep over the loss of it? When did I become what I had so
badly never wanted to be – did accumulation and then slowly possessiveness just
grow on one? Creeping in sooooo gradually that before I realised it, I had
started to value the wrong things about my ring – that I was appreciating the
diamond rather than the fact that it was a first symbol of when we started
being able to afford things/jewellery, just for fun and pleasure, not for
resale value but for sheer happiness. Is that where the problem is – was a
diamond ring really giving me happiness!
It was 2.30 in the night, when I moved my hand and something
sharp poked me – I realised it was a spoke of the ring which had lost its
diamond! A beautiful solitaire that I was entranced by – one piece of jewellery
that I actually missed when I was not wearing it. Over 10 years old, it was
special to me – I had purchased it for a
very ‘reasonable’ price. What I realise
is that it was not the money that was bothering me – just the fact that a
beautiful thing was lost. I am not sure giving it away would be tough – I hope
not! - but the fact that it just may
have fallen away somewhere, and will find its way into the garbage dump really
bothered me. As did the thought of the family’s
possible reactions to the loss.
That is when I realised, yet again, that I had a special
blessed life. Ravi would be shocked, and would join the search, which would be
a very vague one as we couldn’t really be sure of when it fell off – definitely
within the past 3 hours. That is when I realised how often I looked at it – I
was sure I would have noticed it immediately, which meant I looked at my ring
once almost every 10 minutes! Anyway, he would have searched – and probably
thought about how I should be more careful, but seeing how upset I was, would
not have voiced the thought at all. He would have promptly suggested that we go
shopping to pick up a new diamond to fit the gap! Even though very careful with
money, he would not have thought twice about spending on something to try and
make me feel happy. But he would have continued looking into the gaps in the
furniture or the corners of the rooms, just to see whether it could be located.
My mother would have made lots of noise about how sad it
was, and how hard we worked to build up a collection, and how we had never
harmed anyone so good things only would happen to us, and would have ended with
being convinced that it would show up one day. The true optimist!
My reaction surprised me – first feeling of regret at having
lost a beautiful thing was followed by disgust at myself for not having looked
after it better. I kept telling myself that I didn’t need a ring, that I was
blessed that the family was healthy and doing well, that I should get my
priorities right, set up the Trust for adult literacy that I had been planning,
stop procrastinating, But… I couldn’t sleep! I was wide awake tossing and
turning, then suddenly decided to rule out the possibility of the diamond being
somewhere ‘locatable’. I switched on the torch in my phone and walked through
the house, scanning the floor all the time. I even looked into a carton that
had been kept for disposal as I remembered putting my hand into it an hour before
we slept! I could see myself even a year later, not entirely able to stop
looking for it.
Walking back into my room, trying to not disturb Ravi, but
unwilling to put off my search, I flashed the torch just once more inside the
room, and … something sparkled back at me. I still cannot believe I found it!
Am I going to stop loving it – no!! but I am going to definitely something
about the Trust and other such thoughts and GET MY PRIORITIES RIGHT!
I had gone to sleep after a discussion with Shashank about
contact lenses for supriya for the wedding – one of the thoughts when the
missing diamond really ‘woke’ me up was to get my priorities right. This was going to be a special time for her
any way – how did it matter whether she wore glasses or not in the photographs!
Shashank’s message saying he was going to leave the decision to her made me
realise how much I was getting trapped by others’ vision of what a wedding
should be – these two had a good thing going and I am not going to spoil it. Am
looking forward to a wonderful month ahead.
Saying which, this same note would not have been written if
my diamond had not been found J
