It's only a stone! Why am I so attached to it?

It’s only a stone – why am I so attached to it?

Think of all the people who would have slaved in the mines to unearth this – or the first person who saw it for what it was but had to give it up to the owner of the mines – how tough would it have been to give it away!

Should I be getting so attached to material things that I can actually lose sleep over the loss of it? When did I become what I had so badly never wanted to be – did accumulation and then slowly possessiveness just grow on one? Creeping in sooooo gradually that before I realised it, I had started to value the wrong things about my ring – that I was appreciating the diamond rather than the fact that it was a first symbol of when we started being able to afford things/jewellery, just for fun and pleasure, not for resale value but for sheer happiness. Is that where the problem is – was a diamond ring really giving me happiness!

It was 2.30 in the night, when I moved my hand and something sharp poked me – I realised it was a spoke of the ring which had lost its diamond! A beautiful solitaire that I was entranced by – one piece of jewellery that I actually missed when I was not wearing it. Over 10 years old, it was special to me – I had purchased  it for a very ‘reasonable’  price. What I realise is that it was not the money that was bothering me – just the fact that a beautiful thing was lost. I am not sure giving it away would be tough – I hope not!  - but the fact that it just may have fallen away somewhere, and will find its way into the garbage dump really bothered me.  As did the thought of the family’s possible reactions to the loss.

That is when I realised, yet again, that I had a special blessed life. Ravi would be shocked, and would join the search, which would be a very vague one as we couldn’t really be sure of when it fell off – definitely within the past 3 hours. That is when I realised how often I looked at it – I was sure I would have noticed it immediately, which meant I looked at my ring once almost every 10 minutes! Anyway, he would have searched – and probably thought about how I should be more careful, but seeing how upset I was, would not have voiced the thought at all. He would have promptly suggested that we go shopping to pick up a new diamond to fit the gap! Even though very careful with money, he would not have thought twice about spending on something to try and make me feel happy. But he would have continued looking into the gaps in the furniture or the corners of the rooms, just to see whether it could be located.

My mother would have made lots of noise about how sad it was, and how hard we worked to build up a collection, and how we had never harmed anyone so good things only would happen to us, and would have ended with being convinced that it would show up one day. The true optimist!

My reaction surprised me – first feeling of regret at having lost a beautiful thing was followed by disgust at myself for not having looked after it better. I kept telling myself that I didn’t need a ring, that I was blessed that the family was healthy and doing well, that I should get my priorities right, set up the Trust for adult literacy that I had been planning, stop procrastinating, But… I couldn’t sleep! I was wide awake tossing and turning, then suddenly decided to rule out the possibility of the diamond being somewhere ‘locatable’. I switched on the torch in my phone and walked through the house, scanning the floor all the time. I even looked into a carton that had been kept for disposal as I remembered putting my hand into it an hour before we slept! I could see myself even a year later, not entirely able to stop looking for it.

Walking back into my room, trying to not disturb Ravi, but unwilling to put off my search, I flashed the torch just once more inside the room, and … something sparkled back at me. I still cannot believe I found it! Am I going to stop loving it – no!! but I am going to definitely something about the Trust and other such thoughts and GET MY PRIORITIES RIGHT!

I had gone to sleep after a discussion with Shashank about contact lenses for supriya for the wedding – one of the thoughts when the missing diamond really ‘woke’ me up was to get my priorities right.  This was going to be a special time for her any way – how did it matter whether she wore glasses or not in the photographs! Shashank’s message saying he was going to leave the decision to her made me realise how much I was getting trapped by others’ vision of what a wedding should be – these two had a good thing going and I am not going to spoil it. Am looking forward to a wonderful month ahead.

Saying which, this same note would not have been written if my diamond had not been found J