A double whammy on Day 200!

Mourning a mother, and a son

When I would have been mourning about 200 days without my first-born son, I was again at the crematorium with my family, to collect my mother’s ashes. The tears flowed, and continue to flow, incessantly. Now I do not know who I am crying specifically for. I continue to miss Shashank, his laughter, his gentle and very indulgent smile, his glance which always showed me how much I was adored and loved. I hope, and I know, he got the same reassurance every time I looked at him. 

When I would have been mourning about 200 days without my first-born son, I was again at the crematorium with my family, to collect my mother’s ashes. The tears flowed, and continue to flow, incessantly. Now I do not know who I am crying specifically for. I continue to miss Shashank, his laughter, his gentle and very indulgent smile, his glance which always showed me how much I was adored and loved. I hope, and I know, he got the same reassurance every time I looked at him. 

Rationally, I know she needed, and wanted, to go, but I am devastated all over again. My mother’s passing is making me relive Shashank’s going. I am trying to not feel sorry for myself, and don’t want others to look at me with pity, but it is difficult, very difficult to go through each day. I just can’t wait for the time when I will be a better version of my current self.