100 days without Shashank

 30 July - this will be 100 days without Shashank physically present in my life. 

What all have I missed in the past 100 days:

- my son's hug

- my son's loud laugh

- my son's grin as he gently mocks me for something funny or silly that I am doing

- any one calling me Mama

- some in-depth information about some animal, bird, technological or just fun fact

-  the list could go on and on

What have I not missed -

- a single day when I did not cry

- a single day when I did not miss him

- a single day when I can't remember his last breath, his last words - 'mama, I can't breathe'

 - a single day when I can't remember the last ride with him in the car to the hospital

- a single day when I can't remember the last look when they clamped down the iron door of the furnace in the crematorium

- a single day when some bird or insect did not show up to remind me of him

- a single day when some member of the family or a friend has not called to find out how I am 

- a single day when I have not realised how special my family and friends are

- a single day when I have not thought of the senselessness of Shashank's going

- a single day when I have not felt privileged for the time we had together, for the love we shared, and the memories we made as a family

- a single day when I have not been glad that we let Shashank know he was loved